I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
