at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
