I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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