Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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