update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
