so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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