I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize