just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
