I want to have your abortion
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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