mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
