Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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