Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
