He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
