recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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