'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
