its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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