he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
