Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I am available for nakedness
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
