If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize