I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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