I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
