i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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