i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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