guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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