Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING