just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome