I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.