he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.