Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.