when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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