Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.