im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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