I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
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Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover