as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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