All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize