Me. At least after what I've been through.
barbara walters just said penis...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
