You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
