he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Vodka?
Forever.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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