i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
