I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
These tits shall not be calmed
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
