I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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