I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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