So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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