i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
