I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
