did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
