Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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