Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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