if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Are my feet made of real feet?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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