he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
