Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
