from now on my penis is your penis
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
