when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
