Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
