dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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