i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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