You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
