Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
