Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
