i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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