I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize