I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
