He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
