you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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