people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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