Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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