Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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