too bad you live with your parents still
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
im about as happy as oj after his trial
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
