I think I died a long time ago.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
