I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
