chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
