i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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