Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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