he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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