Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
