He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
