dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
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There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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