marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
